The broken girl thought she had nothing left
You rested your head on your hand as you listened to your German teacher go on in German. You couldn't understand a thing that he was saying because you had only just started learning this language. You picked up a few things here and there, words you recognized from when your mother and father fought in German. It had only been two years since you moved to this new school, since your father left with his German girlfriend, the woman he had been with for longer than he was married to your mother, but still you could barely remember any German. You fought back tears as you remembered the night before he left, when he told you that he loved you in Italian when you happily responded in the same language. More tears threaten to fall as you remembered that your mother would be gone for another month, out on a trip to France, she was a linguist and knew at least ten different languages fluently and was learning another four.
"______," Your German teacher called bringing you back to the empty walls of his classroom. "Was ist das?" He said pointing to pencil sitting behind your ear.
"Mein Blistif." You responded in German taking it out from behind your ear.
"Gut" he turned from you and went to call on another student, asking them the same question, pointing to some random object. You sighed quietly and looked at the empty page in your five-subject notebook that you used for your languages. The first part was for Spanish, the second for French, the third for Latin, the forth for German, and the last for your favorite language, Icelandic. You turned to the Icelandic part of your notebook and smiled slightly at all the notes you took from those videos you watched during lunch everyday. This school, and every other school, didn't offer Icelandic as a course that you could take, so you decided to take it out side of school, just like you did with Italian and were doing with Czech. You quietly read over them, whispering some of the words you couldn't say properly to yourself.††"Hvaū" You whispered, going over some of the basic question words again. "HvŪ
"††You felt the tears come back, pushing to break free of your bright (E/C) eyes. Why? You thought, Yes, why, why did I even try to do that yesterday
The memories of the night before came flooding back into your mind, blocking out everything else and reducing the normal classroom chatter to mer background noise. You had been crying and your eyes were puffy, red. A single sentence kept running through your mind. Why am I even alive if no one even bothers to get to know me
? You had swallowed your fear for a brief moment and held a sharp knife to your wrist, but your fear had come rushing back, the burning fear of hurting yourself, before you could do anything... You remembered dropping the knife and hearing a sharp clanking sound as it hit the floor.
You sat staring down at your notebook for a little while before you shook your head. That was stupid, I shouldn't have even thought of††doing that. You scolded yourself. You sighed again and started tapping your pencil on your desk as you read blindly over your Icelandic notes, not really taking in any of the words written in your neat handwriting, lost in your thoughts.
The bell rang a short while later, breaking you from your trance. You quickly zipped up your book bag. Standing from your desk you bean to pick up your bag slung one strap over your shoulder leaving the other hanging. You grabbed your notebook, leaving it open, and started walking out the classroom door. You were ready to get out of school and get home, but you had one more class to get though, American History, the one class you hated more than German and math. You licked your lips and stopped to grab a quick drink from the water fountain when someone pushed you from behind causing water to get all over your notebook and face. You turned around, angry, and saw two boys laughing.
"Sorry, sorry." One said as he held his stomach, laughing.
"We didn't mean to bump into you." The other one barely managed to get out through his laughter.
You turned, not even giving them a fleeting glance nor accepting their apologies, and walked passed them and into your history classroom. As you walked in a white haired boy's head lifted. His blue eyes met your (E/C) ones and he turned away. You shook your head and sat down in your assigned seat, which happened to be next to the same white haired boy. You looked at him from the out corner of your eyes and saw that he was reading your Icelandic notes. You quickly closed your notebook and put it inside your book bag and took out your history binder.††Determined to not let anyone figure out that you were learning Icelandic. Icelandic was your secret, not even your mom knew about it. You were obsessed to say the least; you could tell anyone anything they wanted to know about the country, culture, geography, and more. Only you didn't want people to know, you didn't want to become the girl who knew too many languages, like you did freshmen year at your first high school, two years ago.
"Um, could I maybe have a piece of paper?" The white haired boy whispered.
You turned your head to look at him with one eyebrow raised. "Why?" You whispered back.
He gestured to the empty lose leaf paper section of his own binder.
You made a little oh sound and opened your binder, taking out a couple sheets of paper. You handed the papers to him and he took them and then gave you a little smile. "Takk"
Your eyes widened and you opened your mouth to say something, but the teacher came into the classroom as the final bell rang. Telling all the kids who were still out in the halls that they were now late for their next class.
"Alright class, get some paper out and look up at the promethean board for your Bell-Ringer." The Teacher said as he walked over to his desk to take attendance.
You scowled, but did your work regardless of the overwhelming need you had to talk to the boy sitting next to you.
Once class had finally ended you caught up the white haired boy. "Hey wait up." You called after him.
He stopped and waited for you to catch up. "Yes?"††
"When I gave you the papers, you-"
He cut you off. "Did you come to say your welcome? Because it is kind of rude of you not to say it after I said thanks."
You opened your mouth as if to say something then closed it again as you glared at him. "No, that's not why I wanted to talk to you. You said takk, that's the reason why I wanted to talk to you."
"So? What's the big deal about me saying thanks?" he said, shrugging. "Isn't that what you're supposed to say after someone does something nice for you?"
"Well yeah, but you said it in- Oh I get it now, you just read it off of my notebook and thought it'd be funny to use it. Real cool." You snapped.
"I didn't, the section you had it open to didn't have any basic greetings on it. Just a lot of grammar and stuff that I already knew."††He pointed out calmly.
You moved your mouth trying to form words. "I, uh, wait, already knew?" You asked.
He smirked. "…g heiti Emil. Hvaū heitir Ģķ?"
You blink and stood in shock. Does he know Icelandic? you asked yourself.
Emil waved his hand in front of your face. "Hello? Didn't I just ask you a question? You know if you are learning Icelandic you should really know what I just said." He said as he roll his eyes.
"Uh, …-ťg heiti _____." You shyly stammered.
"_____," He said testing your name on his tongue. "Well you seem to know at least some Icelandic. Why are you learning it?" He asked as he starting walking.
You followed him. "Well, I, uh, don't know." You answered in a whisper, still not wanting anyone to know just how much you were in love with the country.
He chuckled. "You know I was born in Iceland. I grew up speaking the language and I could help you if you wanted." Emil said as he turned to look at you.
Your eyes lit up and you almost hugged the boy walking next to you and squealed yes, but you composed yourself and just looked at the ground. "I suppose that would be nice
He frowned. "You don't have to except my offer if you don't want to."
You shook your head.††"No, no, I'd really like help. No one in my family has ever learned Icelandic, the closest anyone as come is my Grandfather who knows Norwegian and Danish."
Emil raised an eyebrow. "Why does he know them? Does your family have some strange obsession with unpopular languages?"
You glared at him, trying to mask the fear of becoming the language girl again, the fear of getting hurt by the whole school. "My family just has a knack for languages." You snapped.
He opened the door to the side entrance and let you through first. "Sorry if I offended you."††He said as a couple more people made their way through the door mumbling their thanks to Emil as they passed him.
You stood and waited for him, your arms crossed. "You should be."
He let the door shut behind the last person and walked over to you. "So are you learning any other languages?" Emil asked.
"No." You blurted quickly.††
Emil sighed. "I won't make fun of you, you know."
You started playing with the single (H/C) strand of hair that had fallen out of your ponytail. "I know Italian, English, Spanish, and Polish fluently." You paused waiting for the laughter; it never came so you went on. "I'm learning French, Latin, and German in school as well as taking AP Spanish. I'm also learning Czech and Icelandic outside of school."
"Wow, why are you learning all of these at once? Wouldn't it be easier to just focus on one at a time?" Emil asked.
You shook your head. "I really like learning the languages. My mother can speak ten fluently and is learning four right now. I grew up speaking English, Italian, and Polish. And because of my knowing Italian so well Spanish came easily. What you do is look for connections. That's how I'm able to learn so many at once."
Emil simply nodded. "So you started them all at the same time?"
"Oh dear god no, I'd go insane. I started Spanish first, then French, then Latin, then Czech and Icelandic, then German." You smiled pointedly. "With a year in between each of course. I started learning knew ones in 6th grade."
"Oh" Was all Emil said.
Your heart sank, realizing you probably said way too much. "Y-yeah." You stammered. "Uh, well I should go, you know, before traffic gets too bad."††You said taking out your car keys.
"Before you do, can I get your phone number so we can keep in contact? You know so you can call me if you have any questions." Emil said as he let a small smile form on the edges of his lips.
You pulled your phone out of your back pocket and gave it to him. "I suppose so."
Emil typed in his contact information and gave you back your phone. "Now just call me so I have your number."
You nodded and clicked call. His phone rang from inside his book bag. "Got it." He said as you ended the call.
"So, uh, yeah, I'm gonna go." You said as you put your phone back in your pocket.
He nodded. "Bless"
You couldn't help but let a real smile spread across you face. "Bless bless Emil."
A couple months had gone by since you met Emil and you both had gotten rather close. You had even met his older brother Lukas and Emil's friends Mathias, Tino, and Berwald. They were a funny bunch, all seniors, unlike you an Emil who were juniors, and you liked them all. Although Mathias could get rather annoying at times.
You sighed as your German teacher passed out your homework. Mathias, who happened to be in your German class, leaned over to you and whispered. "I'm getting so bored in this class. I really hate how they combined German ones and German twos. I haven't learned anything new this year." He complained.
You shook your head at him. "Sucks to be you."
Mathias gave an exasperated sigh. "I know!"††The bell rang. "Ah crap, now I have to go to English." He complained again. "I hate that class."
"I hate this one." You mumbled as you stood. "And the next."
Mathias laughed. "Isn't Emil in your next class?"
Mathias winked. "Well don't you like him?"
You glared at the Danish boy. "I do not."
Mathias laughed as he gathered up his things. "Oooh someone rejected you didn't they? That must be why you hate your next class." He said in a singsong tone of voice.
"No one rejected anyone. I simply dislike learning about American History when I've learned the same things before. I'd much rather learn about other countries."††
"Whatever you say _____." He said as you both left the classroom and went your separate ways.
You rolled your eyes as you walked into your history classroom. "Good morning Mr. Bennett." You said to your teacher.
"Good morning _____" He said, not looking up from the papers he was grading. "The Bell-Ringer is on the board."
You nodded and sat down in your seat. Emil, who was already in the classroom, leaned over. "Hey are you okay? You never say hello to the Teacher."
You gave him a half-hearted smiled. "I'm fine."
Emil raised his eyebrows like he didn't believe you, but before he could question you further the final bell rang and kids came pouring in.††
"Class," Mr. Bennett said from his desk. "Today you have a pop quiz."
Everyone groaned, not happy at the mention of a pop quiz. Mr. Bennett, as everyone had learned, was very found of not telling the students when a quiz would be. He expected everyone to be prepared, but at least he did say when tests were going to be.
"After everyone has finished we are going to watch a movie on the Civil War."††He said once everyone had settled down. You put your head on your desk and yawned. Maybe I could sleep during the movie? you thought as the teacher passed out the quizzes.
You were one of the first to finish and you put your head down and attempted to sleep, but your mind was everywhere and refused to let you. So you looked over at Emil and watched him fill out his answers. He looked stuck on one question and you saw him bite his lip as he tried to conjure up an answer.††You had to stifle a laugh and look away. You smiled slightly and eventually your mind finally let you drift to sleep.
The bell woke you up with a start and you quickly grabbed your things and filed out of the classroom with everyone else.
"Someone was sleepy today." Emil commented as he caught up to you.
You shrugged. "I couldn't sleep last night."
Emil chuckled.††"I hope you can stay awake long enough for me to teach you some new things in Icelandic."
"I can, I can." You said as you both walked out of the school.
"Good."††Emil smiled. "So to your house we go?"
You took your phone out of your pocket. "Yeah, just let me call my mom."
Emil looked a little confused. "Why? She knows I come over to help you."
You shook your head. "Its for something else." You said as you dialed your mother's phone number. "Hey mom. Yeah I'm doing fine. Uh huh.††Oh really? I thought you weren't leaving until tomorrow. Okay okay. Yeah I'll be good. Love you too."††You ended the called and cursed under your breath.
"What's wrong?" Emil asked.
"My mom wasn't supposed to leave for Germany until tomorrow. We were supposed to cook diner together with her boyfriend, Jason. A sort of family-ish bonding. Now Jason isn't coming 'cause he's driving my mom to the airport." You complained. "And I can't cook."
"I could stay longer and help you make something if you want."††Emil suggested.
You shook you head. "I wouldn't want to put you out of your way."
Emil smiled again. "You aren't and besides I feel like it'd be fun. I could talk in only Icelandic and watch your confused face."
You pushed him playfully. "That's unfair."
"It is too fair."
You smirked. "Then I can speak in only Italian and then we'll see who's confused. Today was going to be an all Italian day anyway."
"Well you're the one who's Learning Icelandic, it'd only help." Emil said as you both reached your old truck.
You took out your keys and unlock the car. "Well you're the one who doesn't know Italian."
Ti amo bella. you heard your father say in your mind. You shook you head.
"______?" Emil asked.
"I asked if you wanted me to drive." He said, taking the keys out of your hands. "Looks like I am. To the other seat _____."
You rolled you eyes and didn't argue like you normally did and climbed into the passenger seat.
"Okay now I'm sure you're not okay." Emil said as he got into the truck. "You never just give up on driving."
You didn't say anything and shrugged as you buckled yourself in.
Emil sighed and buckled himself in as well. "I'm going to get it out of you." He said as he started the truck up.
"Mmhmm" You said as you gazed out the window, your mind flowing with every sweet thing your father had ever said. All the Italian he taught you when you were little, every smile that flashed across your face when he came home from work, all the times he said three simple words
Ti amo bella. Only half the time he came home he wasn't coming from work, but from the home of a girl from Germany, the country where his mother, your grandmother, came from. You squinted your eyes at the sun as it poked its way through the trees. Your heart sank as you again thought of the night he left you and your mother, the night you found out that he had been cheating during the whole time he had been married to your mom. You hated what he did, but you couldn't say you hated him, not now, not ever. All the good things he did out weighed the one bad thing he did; it had to.
"____ we're here." Emil said as he parked the truck in your driveway.
You smiled and quickly got out of the truck. "Well you told me we were learning some new verbs and their endings today. There's probably gonna be like nine for each one. Just like the number one." You teased as you leaned on the seat.
"I told you the grammar is hard." He responded as he got out and shut the door.
You rolled your eyes and locked the truck then shut your door. "Mmhmm whatever."
Emil turned and walked backwards. "Will you please tell me what's wrong first?"
You sighed. "I want to learn something new today. So can I tell you later?"
Emil shook his head and turned around so he could walk up the two steps to get to your front door. "What's the code?" He asked.
You pushed him aside and typed in the code to unlock the door. "I'm not saying." You said as you opened the door.
"Then you're going to have to tell me what is wrong." Emil pointed out as you both walked in into your house.
You swallowed hard. "I don't think I have to."
Emil frowned. "I know, but I'd like to know, maybe it'd help to talk about it."
Everyone will only find out later. You told yourself. "F-fine
Emil gave you a sad smile and led you to your living room and made you sit. He then sat down next you and waited for you to speak.
"M-my father happened." You whispered.
"You told me he left you and your mom, right?" Emil asked.
You nodded. "He died, but he left us all his money in the will. Not the woman he ran away with, us. Mom was supposed to go to Germany tomorrow for his funeral. I couldn't go because of school and things." You wiped at your eyes, trying to keep tears from falling. "We don't even know if he had another kid with her." You looked at your feet. "I think that's why mom didn't want me going
Emil sighed and to your surprise he pulled you into a hug. "I'm sorry." He whispered into your (H/C) hair.
You hugged him back and rested your head on his shoulder. "You know that if you didn't talk to me that day I'd be dealing with this on my own
. Or not at all."
"What do you mean 'or not at all'?" Emil said as he pulled you back.
"Don't hate me
" you whispered as you looked away.
Emil raised an eyebrow. "I'm never going to."
You took a shaky breath. "Before I met you and your friends no one really talked to me
My mother was away on trips for her job a lot, Jason came by sometimes to check up on me and bring something he made, but he can't cook like mom can. I was feeling alone
and the night before you talked to me I almost, I mean, I, it just
happened. I was holding a knife above my wrist, ready to slice it open, but I didn't, I was scared. I'm always scared."
Emil frowned and hugged you again. "I'm glad I talked to you when I did then." He put his forehead on yours. "I had noticed awhile ago that you were trying to learn Icelandic, I saw you reading over your notes when you were bored in history."
"Trying to learn Icelandic was one of the things that kept me from doing anything. I wanted to finish learning so that I would know everything there is to know about Iceland." You said.
Emil kissed your forehead. "Well I don't want to hear of you thinking of harming yourself again, alright?"
"I haven't, I told myself that I was being stupid that day." You responded, your cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.
"Good." Emil smiled. "Okay so Icelandic." He said changing the subject.
You nodded, happy about the change. "JŠ, okay."††
Emil held up three fingers. "I'm going to teach you three verbs. To hate, to love, and to like."
You nodded. "Alrighty."
"Okay tell me what verb I used here." Emil paused, smiled, and then said, "…g elska Ģig."††
"Hate? You said I hate you." You said, hopping you got it right.
Emil laughed. "You are so far off ______."
"I'm trying," You pouted, "You didn't even tell me which was which
" Your mind clicked into place as you trialed off. You knew what he had said; you had looked up how to say it when you first started learning the language. You liked knowing how to say three very simple words in every language, I love you. Your heart fluttered, but your mind shut it up. He didn't really mean it
He was only just giving an example of how to use elska.
"Would you like to try again?" Emil asked now that he had gathered himself.
"…g elska Ģig. I know what that means. It was my turn to find how to say I love you in another language so I used Icelandic since I had just started learning it. You used elska, to love."
"Darn, and my surprise was ruined then."††He said as he scowled. "Why does your mother feel the need to do that?"
"What?" You asked confused.
Emil's scowl turned into the smile he always wore when he was around you. "So you didn't get it?"
"I got it!" You complained. "Watch, …g elska baka. I love pie. There. I got it."
Emil chuckled and shook his head. "So you did."
"The other two now?" You asked.
Emil shrugged. "Nei, later."
"Nope, I don't feel like it." Emil said as he put his hands behind his head.
You glared at him. "I want to learn."
Emil chuckled. "You can't make me teach you anything."
"I can too!" You jabbed his sides, trying to make him jump; it didn't work. Emil smiled and did the same to you, you squeaked and jumped. He started laughing as you kept trying to get it to work on him.
"Never going to work _____." He said grabbing your hand.
"I have another usable hand." You said as you made to jab him again, this time with the hand not being held by Emil, but he grabbed the other one.
"Looks like you have a hand shortage."††He said as you tried to get your hands out of his. He put both of your hands into one of his. "A disadvantage of having small hands is that I can hold two in one hand and still do this with the other." He said as he jabbed your side making you squeak again.
"That's unfair!" you whined, still trying to get your hands out of his.
Emil smiled and let go of your hands for a brief moment before he grabbed them both again, lacing his fingers in yours. "How so?"
"Because I said it wasn't." You said as your heart fluttered again and this time your mind wasn't trying to shut it up. You felt heat rise to your cheeks as Emil started rubbing circles on one of your hands with his thumb.
"Oh you did?" He said as he leaned towards you.
"Y-yes!" you squeaked out, your heart doing flips inside your chest.
"Okay" He said as he got even closer to your face.
"E-Emil?" You whispered.
He smiled. "Yes?"
"Can I learn something new now?" You said, unable to make eye contact with him.
"Sure, …g elska Ģig, _______." He whispered as he closed the distance between the both of you with a kiss.
And the broken girl found that hope that she thought was long gone